OSS: Oswald's Short Stories
by Lee Harvey Oswald
Summary: short stories that teach valuable lessons
1. Iraq's Ultimate Weapon

Iraq's Ultimate Weapon.

Bush: We need to have war with Iraq. They have weapons of mass destruction.

Congress: What kind of weapon?

Bush: The most powerful weapon of them all: Imagination!

Congress: Those bastards! Think of all the people they will kill with that!

The next day, they sent soldiers to Iraq, but Iraq imagined a fleet of 10,000 super soldiers to fight them back. U.S. launched nukes, but they imagined a huge trampoline over Iraq to repel the nuke and launched imaginary nukes to the U.S. killing them off. Then the world went into global nuclear war, but Iraq was protected with IMAGINATION. Other countries would also have imagination, but they rely so much on others for entertainment, they couldn't.

Morale of the story: never underestimate the power of imagination THE END


	2. Stopping Guns in School

Stopping guns in school

Conservative: We need to stop guns from coming to schools by bringing guns to schools and arming teachers.

Worried Mother: But how will we stop those guns?

Conservative: With more guns!

Worried Mother: Your logic is flawed.

Conservative: Shut up!

Sure enough, all the schools had guns everywhere.

Student: Hey Jim, you're an idiot!

Teacher: (pulls out gun) WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU *bleep*

Student: (holds up hands) I was just joking! Don't kill me!

BAM! BAM!

Teacher: Anyone else care to come out?

In two days, all american schools killed each other with guns.

Morale of the story: you can't stop guns with guns. That is stupid. THE END


	3. Thirdworld amusement park

Thirdworld amusement park

Parent: I spent 5 grand when my son goes to six flags for a day! He just comes back more spoiled than before!

Conman: I know a place to send your son and have him come back with more respect for what he has!

Parent: But where is that?

Conman: In the Thirdworld amusement park!

Afgan midgets singing: It's a third world after all. It's a third world after all.

Son: Can I get a happy meal?

Conman: You'd be happy to get a meal, kid.  
Son: WWWAAAAHHHHH

Man with gun: ANARCHY! (starts killing people)

One week later...

Parent: Well, do you respect what you have now?

Son: Yes! Yes! Just feed me please!

Parent: Now he learned to say please!

Morale of the story: Your life isn't that bad. At least you aren't in a third world country.


	4. The plan to solve school problems

Author's note: This is sort of a longer, more improved version of the 'stopping guns in schools' story.

The plan to solve school problems.

One day the schools were afraid of shootings and the kids were afraid of bullies. One day a conservative republican came to school to solve their problems.

"We need to stop guns from coming to schools by bringing guns to schools," he said.

"But what will we use to stop those guns if things get out of hand?" asked the worried parents.

"More guns!"

Then he came to the students who are bullied.

"Kids, just remember this: If you ignore your problems, eventually they will go away. Global warming? Just ignore it! The national debt? Just ignore it? Hunger? Bullies? Ignore it and eventually they will go away."

And so the school was armed to the teeth with guns and the students were very ignorant and opposed to change. They all tried to ignore or run away or give their problems to other people. They were living in a totalitarian fascist orwellian police state, with just as many armed soldiers in schools as teachers. They lived in constant fear, and never stood out, or they would be suspected of crimes. Since children are the future of the world, they all grew up to make sure the world had no freedom. Society never moved on, always in perpetual war because they were conservative. And so, the world was in slavery.

Morals of the story:

1. You can't solve guns with guns or violence with violence or fire with fire. Truth and justice is better than lies and fear.

2. You can't ignore your problems, or run away from them. If you don't solve it, who will?

3. conservatives are wrong. Change is good and necessary.


End file.
